Diddy 619 (The Truth Behind My Happiness),
@ 12:25 AM
Work 11am til 11.30pm. 19 deliveries. Haiz. Saw Aika she sad, I smiled at here she ignored me. Haiz. I thought she would be happy to see me but I'm wrong. People in the bus looked at me like I'm crazy trying to disturb girls. I was damn paisey. I don't know why I go against the traffic. I should turn right but I go straight. This is what I will do if I see someone I love. Even if it got to be my family. Been 3 times I did that. 1 of them my ex. My ex ignored me. My uncle, also ignored me. Why eh? They all don't like to see me making surprise? I am just so so so so so so so so so stupid to love all my love ones so much. I can't feel their love. To me, they care about themselves. To me, they want what they want. And for me, I care about others, and I don't get what I want and that is attention and love. I am just nothing but a mere presence in their life. They only need me when they are in need but other than that, I'm just nothing. Maybe a burden? Even though my life is busy, I will always sacrifice most part of it to do anything for the sake of my family and girlfriend. For instance, working just now, halfway I went back home, sent Rafi to school cause I don't want my grandma to get tired. I went back to pizza hut, order already made, I went to deliver, I'm scolded by the customer for being late. I am fed-up. Serious speaking, from the bottom of my heart, I am touched that only my grandma appreciate and care for me. She will be the last to sleep cause she wants me to be home after work. Asked me have I eaten? Go and rest... I just can't believe she made me happy. Haiz. I owe her alot. If everyone can be like her, I will be more than happy..............
To my dearest,Aika...
I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I would wipe away all of your tears
When you scream, I would fight away all of your fears
And I will held your hand through all of these days to come
But you still have all of me,dear
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along
There's many things I wish I didn't do
I never meant to do those hurtful things to you
I just want you to know that
I'm sorry that I hurt you
Sorry for all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
As life goes on I’m starting to learn more and more about responsibility
I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take this time out to apologize for things I have done
I’m sorry for the times I disrespect
I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done
I’m sorry I’m not always there for you
I'm sorry that you can’t sleep at night
Sorry for the things that I did not say like you are the best thing in my world
And how proud am I to call you my girl
I understand that there are some problems between us
And I am aware of that
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me
You're my future, you're my hope
You're the reason for the smile on my face
You're the reason I'm working hard
You're the reason I sacrificed alot just for you
You're the reason why I can't bear to go on without you
Dear, you are the reason why my love will never fade a single bit...
I will not control you
I will not make you sad
I will not destroy you
I will not hate you
BUT
I will give you my support
I will give you my love
I will give you my happiness
I will give you whatever you want
AND
3 things I want from you
LOVE
CARE
TRUST
WITH
SINCERITY
To the girls who want to get to know me and to my ex and to my admirer and to my friend of girls, SORRY FOR IGNORING YOU ALL....I have promised to myself, the only girl I will talk to is the girl who have made me the happiest person on earth,Aika....
Sayang,if you want to meet your godbrother or whoever guys, I beg you, I BEG YOU,please don't tell me, it hurts and make me jealous. If you want to meet, just go and meet behind my back. Do whatever you want as long not in my presence cause at least I won't know and I won't get hurt. Haiz. I have never met another girl ever since I know you. Never will I.Nobody understands my feelings and my life.Sometimes I wonder who can understands me. Whenever I have problems, I will tend try to keep it to myself. Noone is helping me. Maybe I should have a godsister to share all my miseries..............
I don't want to meet you...
Meet me only when all your problems settled and when you really sincere in meeting me. I just realized, whenever you meet me, most of the time, you're sad than happy. I don't know why. Why can't we be happy? Cause of problems, egoist and lack of commitment.
Do you know that I love you so much?
Do you know I care for you so much?
Do you know I miss you so much?
Do you know how painful it is whenever I ask you to do something and you never listen?
Do you know how hard it is to listen to all your problems?
Do you know how sad am I to know you're hiding your secrets?
Do you know how angry am I to know you share all your secrets to Irah instead of me, your boyfriend?
Do you know how heartbroken I am to listen to you talking about guys asking to meet, stead all these?
Do you know how useless I feel whenever I meet you, you seems to always be sad?
Do you know I'm a useless guy for you?
I hope you regret being with me.
Imagine you were in my shoes...
Imagine I had not known you...
Imagine I were to go first...
And Imagine if I were the person I once used to be... (Not serious in relationship, play timer)
Afterall I have no regrets being with you.
Afterall I'm proud that you're my girlfriend.
Afterall, I will never leave you.
We can never be happy.
You always have problems.
I always have problems.
We always misunderstand.
We always quarrel.
I always made you sad.
You waste all your tears because of me.
You used to be a sweet girl, smsing me almost 24/7.
Now, it's like a distance away.
I want to help to solve your problems but you never even give me a chance
You used to make me the happiest guy
You ever lied to me but I never..
I LOVE U AIKA
I REALLY LOVE U
Even though we are having problem, my love towards you will never change.
I am tired. I want to sleep. It took me 2 hours to blog.
Good night. Hopefully now on, everything will be fine.
(I Hope...)
I think it's obvious I am hoping too much and love u more than u love me.
Should I forget her for the time being and make her love me more than I do so that she can feel my feelings?
I don't know. Maybe I will try.Bye....
*Zaidi Love Aika*
Labels: Diddy Feat. Aika
